I Mean It.....I SWEAR!

It's only fair to warn anyone that is going to read this that this is going to be a little bit of an angry rant.

So just so you know if you keep reading you will just be reading my angry words against the world a little bit.

Just a fair warning.

Anyway I think that everyone should realize that I don't let people in very easily.

So if I let you into my life you must be pretty DAMN special to me!

If I tell you that you're my friend, that actually means something to me.

And if I tell you that I love you? That's not a throw away phrase to me.

To me the words I love you have a lot of weight and I don't say them a lot, nor do I say them to too many people.

So guess what, if I include you in my circle of close friends or if I have told you that I love you in any way then I MEAN IT! 

If I say that to you know that I love you in the best way and most honest way that I know how.

It's a lot for me.

And you know what if the people that I do include in my closest friends don't understand that, then that breaks my heart.

It's the best way that I know how, and if that isn't enough for you then maybe we should break our ties now and save a lot of heartbreak later.

Unfortunately I've had that happen to me. The only good that came from it was that I learned I could survive something like that.

I learned not to hold on to something that just isn't working anymore.

I learned that people change.

I figured out that holding on to something that just doesn't exist anymore was stupid, and exhausting and draining

The person that I was so desperately clinging to just didn't exist anymore and I had to let them go

 and that was a hard lesson for me to learn.

But you know what? I learned it and I'm stronger for it.

I learned that things we like and dislike change and we can wish that they wouldn't all day and all night but that doesn't mean that it will and in the end that mindset isn't productive.

So I walked away.

And while some people might see that as a weakness on my part,

I believe that sometimes walking away isn't a sign of weakness.

Sometimes walking away isn't to make others see our worth because we believe that maybe just maybe the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Sometimes we walk away because we finally realize our own worth.

And if I were to be honest, and I mean deeply and truly honest, I'm a better person for that experience

It hurt more than I could ever imagine and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain onto my worst enemy

But I needed that to happen, it helped me to grow up a little bit and in the end it was worth it.

I'm gonna leave you with one of my most favorite sayings ever 

{my friends tell me it's only my favorite because I have a thing for nautical themed things lately...but it still has a good message}

"A smooth sea never made for skillful sailor"

Much love

-L