Dear Dumb Girl at the Gas Station....

Dear dumb girl at the gas station with the nice jeans, cute shoes, fantastic sunglasses and huge diamond ring....

     People like you....IRRITATE me! It's not the jeans, it's not the shoes, it's not even that new Marc Jacobs bag you kept swinging around...to those I say more power to you...they're gorgeous and I love them. No it's the fact that you are like 22 and CAN'T PUMP YOUR OWN GAS! Really...what's with that? I mean come on lady! We live in America....we drive cars....we NEED gas. Every person with a drivers license knows how to pump their own gas; at least that's what I had assumed, guess I was really, really wrong.
     I saw you while filling up my own tank, we did that awkward eye-contact-with-a-stranger-smile thing and I went back to my own business. As I was finishing up you ever so politely asked me if I could help you with the gas pump, I laughed thinking you were kidding. Apparently you weren't. "Wait what? Are you serious? You can't pump your own gas for your ridiculous, too-big-for-a-woman-of-your-size Cadillac SUV? Am I getting Punked?! Will I get to meet Ashton??" At least that is what I wanted to say to you...I didn't.... but I thought about it.
     Sooooooo of course I helped, I wasn't raised in a barn for goodness sakes, and taught you how to pump gas for your still ridiculous Cadillac SUV and went on my merry way. But really lady...can't pump your own gas..at 22-ish years of age? Most Americans know how to do that by at least 14 if not younger for some. Unless you are Amish or from a third world country I think you should be able to pump your own gas. How in the world did you get your rockin jeans, fabulous sunglasses and that Marc Jacobs bag that I am still drooling over? I mean you came across as someone that was well versed in the ways of the automobile...again I guess I was wrong...but COME ON! You must know by now that America basically runs on gasoline, even Cosmo runs articles about it...ya gotta know how to do it. I mean if the Kardashians can do it...surely you should be able to...just sayin....
     But really...
     Since I taught you how to pump gas and everything, which is a valuable life skill...really it is....I think you owe me that Marc Jacobs bag in return...I mean it's only fair. We are BFFL's now after all. It's just the polite thing to do.

XOXO, Lindsey

PS - I'm gonna tell you to drop the guy that put that huge rock on your left hand...not the ring...just the guy. I mean really, if he wants to marry a woman who can't even pump her own gas then he must not be the sharpest crayon in the crayon box, if you know what I mean. That relationship is just doomed to fail. And I only say this because we are BFFL's after all. I probably wouldn't be very good for his ego...lemme guess he wears ridiculously tight t-shirts with too much bling on them, has an orange tint to his skin and wears his douche-ey sunglasses indoors? Thought so..time for that relationship to end...I'll be composing a letter for him soon.