I Mean It.....I SWEAR!

It's only fair to warn anyone that is going to read this that this is going to be a little bit of an angry rant.

So just so you know if you keep reading you will just be reading my angry words against the world a little bit.

Just a fair warning.

Anyway I think that everyone should realize that I don't let people in very easily.

So if I let you into my life you must be pretty DAMN special to me!

If I tell you that you're my friend, that actually means something to me.

And if I tell you that I love you? That's not a throw away phrase to me.

To me the words I love you have a lot of weight and I don't say them a lot, nor do I say them to too many people.

So guess what, if I include you in my circle of close friends or if I have told you that I love you in any way then I MEAN IT! 

If I say that to you know that I love you in the best way and most honest way that I know how.

It's a lot for me.

And you know what if the people that I do include in my closest friends don't understand that, then that breaks my heart.

It's the best way that I know how, and if that isn't enough for you then maybe we should break our ties now and save a lot of heartbreak later.

Unfortunately I've had that happen to me. The only good that came from it was that I learned I could survive something like that.

I learned not to hold on to something that just isn't working anymore.

I learned that people change.

I figured out that holding on to something that just doesn't exist anymore was stupid, and exhausting and draining

The person that I was so desperately clinging to just didn't exist anymore and I had to let them go

 and that was a hard lesson for me to learn.

But you know what? I learned it and I'm stronger for it.

I learned that things we like and dislike change and we can wish that they wouldn't all day and all night but that doesn't mean that it will and in the end that mindset isn't productive.

So I walked away.

And while some people might see that as a weakness on my part,

I believe that sometimes walking away isn't a sign of weakness.

Sometimes walking away isn't to make others see our worth because we believe that maybe just maybe the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Sometimes we walk away because we finally realize our own worth.

And if I were to be honest, and I mean deeply and truly honest, I'm a better person for that experience

It hurt more than I could ever imagine and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain onto my worst enemy

But I needed that to happen, it helped me to grow up a little bit and in the end it was worth it.

I'm gonna leave you with one of my most favorite sayings ever 

{my friends tell me it's only my favorite because I have a thing for nautical themed things lately...but it still has a good message}

"A smooth sea never made for skillful sailor"

Much love

-L

Inspire a generation

Much like the rest of the world, my attention is focused on London.

I love the Olympics.

Like REALLY love the Olympics.

I might even love the Olympics more than I love football...

You can pick your jaws up off the floor now, it's ok for me to say that because they only happen every four years {well technically every two years if we are gonna include both winter and summer here}

Everything about them is just so inspiring!

Well almost everything...it's never fun to watch anyone lose, especially at the Olympics.

But you all know what I mean.

The Olympics make it possible to forget about little stressors in your life as your rooting for the USA to kick international butt.

At least that's how I feel about it.

The Olympics have the unique ability to draw everyone in a nation to the same cause and desire:

To cheer the US onto gold in every event that we have athletes entered in.

While that is all well and good, it honestly isn't my most favorite part of it.

I love that it has the possibility to inspire people of all ages.

I truly believe that there is nothing more inspiring than the Olympics which is why I try to spend as much time as I can watching as many events as I can, even the weird ones like white water canoeing and rowing....

seriously tho...those two sports only become popular every four years thanks to the Olympics.

The purpose of this post {other than to bore you all with telling you about my love of the Olympics that just about everyone else in the world shares} is to share something I thought was really cool.

As I was sitting like a useless waste of space watching whatever Olympics were on I found myself watching Men's Basketball, and while normally I dislike basketball, it's the Olympics so I thought "meh why not just have it on?"

I looked up at a point where one of the Nigerian players (poor guys....we destroyed them) was shooting a foul shot and the camera angle was one from the back-board so we as a viewing audience saw the rim of the hoop.

On the inside of the hoop were the words "Inspire a Generation"

Now I don't know if that is an Olympic thing or if it is a slogan for the company that made the hoop, either way I thought it was cool and definitely appropriate.

Because in the end....isn't that what the Olympics do?

Inspire a generation?

Much love
-L

Prayers for Colorado

My heart breaks for all those affected by this tragedy and my thoughts and prayers are with friends, families and those affected by this senseless act of violence.

Violence such as this should not exist in the world and those people, nor any people deserved it.

What prompted me into writing this post (three posts in three days is kind of a shocking thing from me, usually I'm not this good about blogging) was thinking about the shooter.

Now before I continue on this train of thought I want the blog-a-sphere to understand that:

I DO NOT IN ANY WAY CONDONE WHAT THIS MAN DID.

I BELIEVE THAT HE DESERVES EVERYTHING THAT IS COMING TO HIM AND MORE.

THERE IS NO PARDONING HIS ACTIONS.

Now that I have that out there, thinking about this tragedy made me think of what could cause a human being to get to the point where they want to walk into a crowded movie theater and start taking innocent lives? And if there is any way to change it?

There is absolutely no excuse for taking another human life and he not only took one but many and then, what I find positively sickening, walked calmly out of the theater as if he didn't just commit such a heinous crime.

It really made me consider what in his life pushed him to do this, and maybe more information will come to light as more time goes by, but for now what I've heard from various news reports is inconclusive at best (just what they have been telling the public, this really is all just me musing I don't know too many details about this at all) so of course it is going to cause people like me (those of us absolutely fascinated with human behavior) to speculate. And of course tragedies like this will bring up the "what if's" 

I advise you that if you don't want to read my ramblings about human behaviors and the what if's that go along with it then you should probably stop reading this post right now.

I just can't help but think what if there was a way to prevent this before it got out of control?

What if it just one person in his life could have made the difference for him?

What if there were stricter gun laws, would this still happen?

What if there really isn't an answer or a cause to why he committed such a sickening and unforgivable act and we should just resign ourselves to the idea that there are evil people in the world that do evil things?

Really what I think that I want to get across with this post, at least this is what tragedies such as this make me think, is we don't know what someone else is going through or what is going on in their head.

What can it hurt to be kind to everyone?

I'm not saying that what this bastard (pardon my French, but if anyone deserves such a title, he does) needed was a hug, I'm not that naive, no what I mean is if more people are kinder to one another then maybe just maybe senseless acts of violence will diminish.

I don't know, it all sounds a little foolish, but what do we know until we try?

I urge anyone that is nice enough to be reading this post to be kinder to our fellow human beings.

Life sucks bad enough so why not be nicer to people around us?

I know this all sounds a little preachy/like a primary lesson and I'm not the poster child for being nice to everybody I encounter, but this tragedy makes me want to try harder.

I wish I could remember where I heard, "Sometimes just a smile can save a life" but I feel that it is one of the truest statements I've ever heard.

Again my thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by this disgusting act.

And I pray that humanity can learn something from this instead of just writing it off and forgetting about it.

Much love, and praying for Colorado.

-L

You and Me Going Fishin in the Dark...

Ok....not really.

But this is yet another post about the Cowboy Grub

and that song is just one of those songs that makes me think Cowboy Grub

Lately I have had a lot of tables at my work ask me how long I have been with the Grub and they are always surprised when I mention that it has been four years. And come to think of it, it really has been a long time. I mean I started there when I was 16 years old.

Four years really is a long time to stick to one job, especially in the food service world.

But to be honest if I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

I have loved my time at the Cowboy Grub, it's been an adventure to say the least and because of it I have met some of the most amazing people, both coworkers and people that I have served.

I've learned a lot too from the people that I have encountered there.

There have been specifics and generals, and I thought that I would share some of my musings here.

I really have been thinking about this for awhile haha, it's funny what one comment from a few tables can do to you.

I've thought about what specific coworkers have taught me and what just serving people has taught me, and I'm proud to say that I have worked at the Grub for four years....I kind of think that that is an accomplishment of sorts.

I've mentioned how wonderful my fellow servers are before (like Dani and Rachel and Morgan and Molly etc etc etc) but I've only ever gone into the specifics of what I have LEARNED from them maybe once if even at all. And I feel like I should shine a light on that aspect of my life.

From my fellow servers I have learned:

• It is never that big of a deal. Just take a couple of deep breaths and go back out.
• Someone will always be willing to help you out, even if they need "a couple seconds"
• There will always be a sympathetic ear when you need to whine, moan and complain about particularly difficult situations
• There will also always be that person who will look you in the eye and say "Suck it up"
• Multitasking? It's a skill that is learned, not a God given talent
• Just breathe, everything will work out for the best (even if the best is your awful table finally leaving)
• True friendship means not whining about making 8 house salads for someone else
• A smile and a laugh go a long way with some people
• Pie can make even the most angry people happy at least for a couple of seconds
• And to round this list off: Don't mess with people's trays...if it's out it's probably out for a reason so ask before you put it away.

From my tables I have learned:

• Time is valuable
• Apparently water isn't a drink (everyone who works at the Grub will understand why that's funny)
• Only attractive people get hired at the Grub (I literally had a table tell me that a few months back, I cried I was laughing so hard)
• It amazes people how well servers can carry trays without always dropping the items
• It is always ok to say that your wife is the prettiest girl in the room
• Be nice to your server...only good can come from it

Like I said, if I could go back and do it all over again I really wouldn't change a thing.

The Grub has been a good place for me and continues to be a good place.

Much love!
-L

May Angels Lead You In

I don't know where this post is going to take me...but if you are willing to bare with me I feel like this needs to be written.

The Lord has a funny way of taking care of us. Really though, if you think about it, and I mean really think about it, sometimes His care comes in odd ways to say the least.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've been blessed lately to be able to recognize some of these ways that He has taken care of me.

Lately I've found myself making some changes in my life that in truth have scared the crap out of me but strangely I have been calm as I have thought them through.

I credit this partly to my incredible friends. They are there for me. No strings attached. They will drop whatever they are doing and come to my rescue if the situation presents itself. My friends are entirely supportive of my decisions and they are part of the reason why these changes aren't as frightening to me.

In a couple of posts ago I mentioned that my mother and my grandmother like to say that some people are prayed into our lives. Well I truly believe that those people that I am closest with have definitely been prayed into mine. I don't know where I would be or even who I would be without their influence in my life. They keep me sane and make me want to be a better person. I have been taken care of in that aspect by the Lord. I believe that He shepherded these people into my life because He knew that there would come a time in my life where I would need them, and right now I need them. I so appreciate the friends that let me lean upon them, that in a way become a crutch for me. Now I'm not saying that I have become entirely dependent upon them, what I mean is that it is nice to know that I have their shoulders to lean on if I need to. And a couple of times in the recent past I have needed to lean on them, lean on their testimonies, lean on their belief that everything will be ok. And for that I am more grateful to them than I will ever have the ability to let them know.

I know that what I have coming up in my life won't be easy, it's supposed to be hard after all...if life was easy it wouldn't be hard after all haha, but I feel safer knowing that I have a close knit group of friends that have my back in any situation.

I know that the Lord has been there for me through my friends. They are truly angels in my life. But I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't let go and let God. 

Sometimes it's scary to relinquish the control in your life but more often than not it is necessary. It is necessary to let the Lord take control every once in awhile. And truly it is so freeing to "cast all your cares upon the Lord" to trust that He has got this and will always be there arms outstretched no matter how many times you feel you have messed up. 

In all my years of Sunday school I have never truly understood the scripture that mentions the Lord's yoke being easy and His burden being light until I went to college. I have found that true happiness and comfort come when I cast my cares upon the Lord and allow for Him to take the control. And I am so grateful for that. I am so blessed to be a member of the church and to be able to have this wonderful, beautiful, forgiving gospel in my life.

Much love,
-L

"62 Years and She's Still the Prettiest Girl"

     There are some days where my faith in the human race are seriously diminished. Everyone has had those days. But then there are days like today where my whole outlook on the human population is seriously brightened. I had probably one of the best days at work that I've had in a very long time. Although it didn't start out that way.
     The one problem with working a restaurant that specializes in delicious comfort food is that when it comes to the summer time and it gets hot not too many people want to go out and eat a heavy meal. We still have our regulars that eat there come hell or high water but it is hard to deny that the numbers of tables that come in seriously diminishes in the hotter months. As a result it gets to be really slow for us servers, the downtime between our tables extends because we just don't have as many tables as we do in the colder months. Which, let's be real here, can be a major struggle. In short it gets boring. So it wasn't such a stretch for me to assume that the rest of my shift would be slow and I would get a lot of the little odds and ends finished up in the back that usually go overlooked when there are a lot of customers to serve. And for the most part I was right, it wasn't until the end of my shift that things got interesting.
     At around 3:30 (my shift was over around 4:00), this older couple came in and I greeted them like any other table and as I was leaving to go and grab their drinks the man grabbed my arm and let me know that they were celebrating their wedding anniversary. He then asked me to guess which anniversary it was. Now I have learned to avoid answering questions like that, because it really can lead to disaster, so I just smiled and waited for them to tell me. In my head I had guess 50 maybe 55 years at the most. I was completely shocked when he told me that they were celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary today.
      I can't even imagine that. 62 years married to the same person? That is truly incredible. And even better? He grabbed my elbow a little later, after I had dropped off their meal and said to me, "Now isn't my bride beautiful? It's been 62 years and she still takes my breath away every time she smiles." I honestly thought that I was going to melt. That was probably the sweetest thing that I have ever heard, and I can only hope that someone will say that about me one day. I can only hope that somewhere there is someone who will want to put up with me for 62+ years haha.
     If that was the only awesome thing that happened I would write this off as a fantastic day, but there was one more incident at work today that made it even better. Another one of my tables overheard that it was the older couple's 62nd anniversary and they pulled me aside and asked if they could pay for them. It's been awhile since I've had encounters in my life that are inspiring like that. I love that there are still people in the world that are just as inspired as I am by a couple celebrating 62 years of marriage. I love that there are people who are generous enough to be willing to pay for the meal of complete strangers. It's days like today that remind me why I am still working at the grub. Like I said, one of the greatest days ever!

Much love,

-L

Send Her an Angel

So there is this song called "Send Her an Angel" by a group called Jackson Waters, and I have a small obsession with it. I absolutely adore the concept of sending an angel to comfort someone through the night and through their crazy life. While I didn't exactly identify with the lyrics as they are presented in the song {if you haven't ever heard the song I advise you to go listen to it now because this post might give you the wrong idea about it} I was struck by the concept. It was almost as if I was comforted by the concept because I feel like I have had angels sent into my life to comfort me through the crazy times in my life. 

I especially feel this way about a few people that I have met in the past couple of years. I mean I love my family and the friends that I have known for years now, but what I want to focus on here are the people that I have met only recently that I feel like have been sent into my life for a reason.

Now I am only going to mention a few but that does not mean that there aren't more people that have made a difference in my life in the past couple of years. These are just the people that I feel have made the biggest and most impressionable difference on me.

First off I want to say that the majority of the people I am going to mention are from the Grub. It's a common hazard I guess when you clock as many hours there as I seem to be doing. But in all reality I am truly blessed to be able to work there. It is amazing that so many different people from so many different backgrounds can bond in the way that we have. There is this sign in the back that says "Cowboy Family" and that is what we are. There is a special bond at the Grub that makes you feel as if you are in a family. Oh sure at times we are an intensely dysfunctional family, but we still love each other at the end of the day.

I love my fellow Grubstars so much, and I love working there.

The first person that I want to mention is Dani. Now when I first met Dani I thought yeah this girl is chill but I doubt we will ever be closer than coworkers {Sorry Dani!!! I got over that though!!} As I got to know her better, though, I found out that this girl was truly amazing. She was more than just chill, she was fun to be around, easy to talk to, and easy to work with. I was amazed at how quickly we were becoming friends. I have always had a hard time creating relationships with girls, I never really got along with them, so I was surprised that this softball player from Logan was becoming one of my closest friends. I admire Dani so much for her ability to listen to all my drama and not once pass a judgment down on me. She has helped me through so much crap in my life, even if she didn't think she was helping because all she was doing was listening, but at those times that is what I needed the most from somebody. Dani is a fiercely loyal person, you don't mess with her family, her friends, her sport or her Red Sox, and I really admire her for that. {Even if I love my Orioles haha}. I am amazed that someone can become such an important part of your life in such a short amount of time, but I am so grateful that they can. I love ya Dani, thanks for putting up with my special brand of crazy white chick ;)

The next person I want to mention is Molly. Now I have worked with Molly for three almost four years now but I only really started to get to know her in the past year when I made the shift from hostess to server. Molly has one of the purest hearts and sweetest spirits ever. She is truly one of the nicest people you will ever meet and I am so glad to have met her and to be able to work with her. I admire her ability to be such a sweet person and still be able to get what needs to be done, done. I also love that she can take charge of a situation without turning into a complete douche bag {which is one of the reasons that our staff loves and respects her so much}. Molly has the unique ability to look at someone and know when they are feeling overwhelmed or having a particularly bad day and she will look them in the eye and say something to the effect of "Well I still love you if that helps" and it almost always, always does help. I can recall a few truly hellish days that were made much brighter by her looking at me and telling me that she still loved me even if I felt like the rest of the world was out to get me. I remember telling a girl that used to work at the Grub that I wanted to be Molly when I grew up, and you know what? That's still kind of true, Molly is so wonderful and I love her a lot.

To round off the Grubbers that I feel have been sent into my life for a reason I want to mention Rachel and Morgan. I group them together not because they are any less special to me than Dani and Molly but because they both provide the same support for me. Both these amazing girls listen. Yeah, that's it. And while that may seem painfully simple it is a huge deal for me. I often feel like I go through life not being listened to or heard so it's always wonderful to me to know that someone will listen to me. And both Morgan and Rachel do. They will sit and listen to my stories even they end up being totally dull they still listen, and they have no idea how much I appreciate that. They also both encourage me to make good decisions in my life. Not that I'm a bad person who makes bad decisions, because I'm not, they just encourage me to pick the better of two decisions, every single time. I really appreciate that too. Like I said, it is truly a blessing to work at the Grub and to become part of that Cowboy Grub family.

And to round this post off I want to mention someone that I met in one of my classes about a year and a half ago now. However, he found out that I was planning on writing this post and asked me to leave out his name. He's shy I guess....whatever...he knows who he is and that is all that matters I guess haha. This kid is one of my very best friends. Whenever I need a laugh I know that I can go to him and he will put a smile on my face in a matter of minutes. Even though he and I have had our ups and our downs I know that he will always be there for me when it really counts. I know that he will protect me if it ever came to that. I love knowing that he will come to my defense if I ever needed him to and I love knowing that if I have a bad day I can come to him when I need someone to hold on to and not have try to "fix" it. I love knowing that he's there for me and I am so grateful to the love of his life for their willingness to allow him to be one of my best friends {I say that because not a whole lot of people would be comfortable with the relationship we have, no I have no plans to steal him away, because I wouldn't succeed even if I wanted to}. 

I truly love my friends and feel so blessed to have them in my life.

My mom and my grandma like to say that certain people are "prayed" into our lives and with the people that are important to me in my life I know that that is most definitely true. The people that I hold dear in my life I believe were sent onto my path for a purpose, and I am eternally grateful.

I love you guys so much!!

Much love,
-L